What Obedience Really Means




I had worn some kind of title, some kind of position of authority, since a few months after I started going to the church I now attend some 12 years ago. I had always felt a call to do the work of the ministry. And then I became a momma. And it wasn’t just the cut-and-dry you are a mom now, no more work for you. It was when I felt the pull of home against the pull of work, my relationship with God came unraveled. This task-oriented, over-achiever had built so much of her relationship around doing, and now I couldn’t do very much.

I defined myself by what I did.

When you are stripped of what you think gives you worth, you discover your worth in God's eyes. And sure, God is all about ministry. But ministry does not equal relationship. Ministry without relationship goes by another name: religion. And a minister without relationship goes by another name: pharisee.

And what made me a religious pharisee??

The fear of man over the fear of God.


“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.” Matthew 6:24


Grant it this verse is referring to wealth, but I think the truth here applies to approval as well. I was serving man’s approval--my own desire to be wanted, and trying my little heart out to build my own place in the world. So long as I preferred to serve my own ambition and my need to not face rejection, I couldn’t truly serve God.

I have always had this need to be seen, to be liked. (I talk more about this here). I remember driving through the industrial section of my town, the road stretching on with cold steel frame buildings, logoed trucks, tractors, and one bar called “The Watering Hole.” Men at work. And I cried out to God, revealed the most vulnerable, raw part of myself… what if I walk away from it all, and no one sees me, no one cares about me, no one wants to know me? What if I lose this place and discover there is no place for me?

God’s soft voice kept playing on repeat: Find your place in Me, Amanda. Find your place in Me.

Through tears, I released. I let go. I surrendered. I jumped into my fearful unknown—being a nobody.

I jumped hoping God would catch me, hoping I would have a place in Him after all.

It’s been almost a year—a year of walking with God, knowing Him, and being known. A year of finding myself in my Father’s eyes. A year of stripping away the things that I defined myself by and allowing God to define me.

The biggest gift this past year? I can honestly say that I love God, I might even be able to say I love Him more than anything.

More than anything.

Obedience isn’t about what you do FOR God. Obedience is doing WITH God.

Obedience flows from a place of love and humility. Obedience is abandoning your own way. Obedience is leaning in close to hear God’s plans.

Obedience starts at square 1: knowing that God loves you and you don’t have to do anything to earn that love.

And square 2?: You falling in love with God—knowing God—finding your place in God.

It’s abiding in Him and that apart from Him you can do nothing.

It’s simply knowing God.

And the only way to get to know Him? Spending time with Him. Allowing Him to have a place in every part of your life. Reading His Word. Not just talking but listening.


“No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15


Do you hear Him calling? That still quiet voice. Come away with me. Come taste and see that I am good. Come and know me, know my ways. Find your place in me.


Do you struggle with wanting people’s approval more than God’s??


By Grace,
Amanda

The Best Place to Start a Topic Like Obedience...



Today marks the beginning of a series called Crazy Obedience. You can read more about this series here, here, here, or here (just click one, it’s the same post located at different blogs). As a reminder there is a giveaway going on that ends tonight at midnight, so if you were wanting a chance at winning, do sign up!

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Photo Credit, words added by me

I feel hesitant to write on such a big topic… and one so widely spoken on and written about. But I know deep down in my knower, that this is exactly where I must start this series.

God's Love.

Vast. Immeasurable. Big. Wide. Deep. Unfathomable.


“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:18-19, NLT


I think of my kids. I remember potty training Addy: 9 months long and a whole lot of tears. And my daughter may have been stubborn. And she may have gotten it wrong for what seemed like a really long time. But my love never wavered. My patience was tested, my vocabulary was improved (because let’s not even go there with the things I really wanted to say after the 5th accident in one day), but my love was constant, steadfast, and immovable.

God’s love is like that. Constant. Steadfast. Immovable. You can’t earn it. Try to be worthy of it. You just have it.

I think this truth is a really important place to start in the pursuit of crazy obedience. Here’s my reasons:

  1. You need to know that if you never do anything of any significance for God—never lead a soul to Christ, never lay hands on the sick, never give a large sum of money to the church—you and God can still be okay. This is not me saying to sit back on your blessed assurances and never do anything for the cause of Christ. This is me saying that you can’t earn God’s love. So often, the zeal of doing for Christ can warp into this “look at me and how much I am doing for God.” I say this because our own pride will turn wanting to live for Christ into a contest of accomplishments. 
  2. In remembering how much God’s loves me, I remember how much God loves everyone. The gang banger, the homeless beggar, the prostitute, the transvestite, the prisoner… and God doesn’t label them. He just loves.  
  3. One of my pastor friends had this on his facebook wall (I so swooped. Thanks Nathan!): You cannot give what you have not received. If you haven’t received God’s love, how can you share it??


Above all else, God wants your heart. Not your achievements.

God chooses to use us… earthen clay vessels so that we can testify to the surpassing greatness of God. God doesn’t need us. He chooses us. Your achievements mean nothing if you can’t manage to live knowing God.


“You’ll protest, ‘But we’ve known you all our lives!’ only to be interrupted with his abrupt, ‘Your kind of knowing can hardly be called knowing. You don’t know the first thing about me’.” Luke 13:26-27, MESS

Sometimes I can be a little type-A, and I totally struggle with trying to earn God's love. Sometimes I get wrapped up in people pleasing and in trying to add to my list of acheivements so that I look okay to everyone else. But what freedom is found in this simple message: God loves me and doesn't need me to do anything! God rewarded Mary who sat at His feet and got to know Him over Martha who toiled over cleaning and preparing and doing.

I stand back in awe of God. His deep Love; His upside-down, last-will-be-first kingdom; and the invitation to know--really know--the God of the universe.

Wow. We are offered the chance to KNOW Him.


So, I guess the question is: do you KNOW God? And do you know how much God loves you?



By Grace,

Amanda




Want to read more posts on this series? Click the graphic.

If you would like to take the 30 day challenge to grow in obedience (and what it really means to follow Christ), you can sign up to join the facebook group here. 

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I Might Just Burst with Excitement! {An Announcement}

Today I have the honor and privilege of kicking off a month-long series at some dear friends' blogs.

And I am doing the series here too.

And I really want you to do the series with me.

I've been praying and fasting and preparing for this for a few months. YEEE!

I'm a little (yeah, okay, A LOT) excited about all this.

So, would you join me at one of these places so I can tell you all about it?? (There's a familiar testimony, a challenge, a chance to learn how to really follow Jesus with a bunch of heart-sisters from all over, AND a giveaway.)


See you in a few ;)

By Grace,
Amanda

When Your Life Changes


On Monday, our lives changed.


Mike was sworn in. He is officially in law enforcement.

It was a proud moment. There were tears when I pinned his badge (I nearly turned into a heaving, ugly-cry, sobbing mess) and again when I shook the hand of the captain who was in charge of hiring.

Being a copper's wife was definitely not on my radar when we married. In fact, I am fairly certain I had written a list of things I would never marry--cop was at the very top.

But here we are, starting this journey. God has been gracious enough to give me five years to adjust to the idea. I've seen my husband's heart grow with a passion for the law and the way God uses men and women to bring peace to people in their lowest moments and most difficult trials.

I know my life, my children's lives, my husband's life has been forever changed. I admit to being terrified. How rough will our marriage be? What will it be like for our kids growing up with a dad who sees the hardest parts of life on a daily basis? Will my husband change so much that I hardly recognize him? Will he be okay? What if he is injured {or worse} in the line of duty? All these questions, but I sense the very real presence of God. I AM, and I AM WITH YOU. I am choosing to trust God in spite of unknowns.


I am surrendered and taking it one day at a time, and, you know, I am excited too.

Also, I would like to note that I discovered I am now married to a man in uniform. And I think he looks pretty dang good in one ;)

I would love to know if you are in a high-stress, life-on-the-line career or married to someone who is?? Any advice to offer this rookie wife??


By Grace,
Amanda


Warrior Scars




I need to say something.

It’s a little off my normal topics. I may even need to use off-color language. 

I read this article found on a blog that an old acquaintance had mentioned as being hilarious. I am sure it was meant to be funny… one of those “here’s me be super real and in a funny way so that you can feel more normal about yourself” kind of things. This woman talked about the state of her body after having 4 children: gravity-stricken and shriveled breasts, the state of her “lady town,” her muffin-top tummy, varicose veins... 

And yep, this stuff is all a part of growing older and having children.

But I gotta be honest. As I was reading this, it made me angry.

If your husband was to go to war and come home with scars, would you love him more or less??

Why is it that when we do this crazy bold thing—carry life in our bellies, push that life out into the world in the most excruciating and courageous way, nourish our babies from our very own breasts—somehow we think ourselves less beautiful???

We carry life! We nourish life. We raise life, mold it and shape it. And when we look in the mirror and see our fluffy bellies, our C-section scar, our saggier breasts, our dark circles under our eyes, the veins on our legs, our stretch marks... somehow all we see is ugly?!?! We can’t see the battle scars, the marks of an overcomer, a warrior woman?! Blessed with children? Blessed with life? 

We see our perineal scars, our bladder that never works the same, our stretched out hoo-hoo… and somehow see ourselves as LESS than what we used to be… less deserving of the love of our man?! Somehow more insecure?

Um…

You catching my drift?!

You, dear one, are beautiful. No, not young, and not without scars. But your age is your royal garment, your children are your crown.

As mothers, we make a mark on the world—one we make with our own bodies, on our own bodies. We give life. We carry it, birth it, nourish it, stay up all hours of the night comforting it, we instill Jesus, kiss boo-boos, teach how to live. We! Women! How crazy amazing and beautiful is our high calling?! 

{Psst… Please don’t hear me as putting down anyone who would choose to work away from the home, or that motherhood is somehow the end all high calling and there is no other.}

Somehow our society likes to separate the hard parts about life from the gifts that come with it, slap a label on the complaining and call it “being real,” and make it scary, ugly, horrifying. I hear women adamantly refusing to breastfeed because of what it might do to their bosoms, women terrified to age, women actually opting for the 3+ week recovery time of a c-section just so everything stays tight in their lowers… Women who are terrified of being ugly. 

Women who think age and child-bearing is ugly.

Is this not upside down?! Twisted?! Horrible?!  Maybe even narcissistic?!

Could we please stop allowing society to feed us the lies of what beautiful looks like?

Could we please start seeing ourselves as beautiful, sexy, strong warriors again?!

I know there are some underlying society issues that could take some of the blame: like single parenthood, divorce rate, pornography addiction epidemic to name a few. And I’m not exactly sure what the answer is. But perhaps, it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea to start by seeing our God-given gifts in our scars and passing this feeling of self-worth, this warrior-woman, look-at-what-I-get-to-do spirit onto our daughters… for didn’t the greatest gift the world ever received leave behind scars?

{By the way, remind me I wrote this when I get closer to my 30th birthday milestone. I may need to remember this again when I start to complain of aging and gray hairs and a slowing metabolism.}


{Could I just add a little clarification in case this isn’t super clear? I really want to make sure you hear my heart: it’s not to stir up controversy; it’s not to make a woman feel terribly who doesn’t want children or chooses not to breastfeed. Really, my heart is just to offer a different perspective through which to see your postpartum body—that you are beautiful, a warrior, worthy of honor.}


Alright, your turn. What do you think??

By Grace,
Amanda 

Finding Contentment... Because, Seriously, Sometimes It's Hard to Find




Last night’s scene looked a little like this:

Husband is in bed reading Lord of the Rings. I hop into bed, set my alarm, and play a game of spider solitaire on my phone. I hear little Jed noises coming from the closet—his bedroom. His little voice trying out all the words he knows but would like to say. And then he moves on to singing. Mike and I listen with such grateful contentment. I take a deep breath and inhale this moment, hold it, and slowly exhale. 

And then it occurs to me, this moment is courtesy of our small apartment and Jed’s closet bedroom. I get to lie in bed listening to the sweet little sounds of my boy talking and singing himself to sleep.

Awe. :)

I’ve been wanting out of here. A larger place. A backyard. 3+ bedrooms. A family room. Each day this place feels smaller. With each passing week, the time it takes for my children to take my just cleaned house to look like a small tornado passed through gets shorter and shorter {I am pretty sure it currently takes about 20 minutes to go from clean to disaster. My kids are masters of disasters}.

But anywhere else, I wouldn’t get to lay my head down to the sweet noise of my handsome little man babbling himself to sleep.

God isn’t in the house I wish I had. He’s here. And there are gifts here—beautiful moments I wouldn’t trade for the whole world. 

Okay, so now, I am slowing myself down, finding all the things I can be grateful for HERE, recalibrating my heart, finding myself content again.


What do you do when you find yourself discontent and wanting change? Maybe if you are battling discontentment, go find one precious gift you couldn’t have anywhere else? Would you share it with us?


By Grace,
Amanda

A Testimony 5 Years in the Making


I firmly believe in celebrating… just about everything.



And today? Today, I am planning a celebration for my husband. Will you allow me to tell you why?

Just shy of 5 years ago, My husband and his dad had a cabinet refinishing business. As the economy slowed, their business came to a grinding halt without much warning. My husband struggled to find work. At five months pregnant with Addy, we were forced to move into my parent’s house.
Mike took whatever jobs he could find: concrete, construction, winery hand, census, night-time security guard, and pest control. He has been employed by 10 different places over the last 5 years… and not by choice.

We lived at my parents for 2 years and in a tiny studio apartment above my church for almost a year, before getting to where we live now.

During the past 5 years, we’ve cried. We’ve thrown some “why me?!” temper tantrums. We’ve made difficult decisions. We’ve battled depression. We’ve watched our “American dream” shatter. We’ve found a far better dream—to live each day WITH God. We’ve leaned into God and discovered just how much we can trust Him to provide our daily bread. We’ve received random checks in the mail and gifts that were exactly what we needed at that moment. We’ve huddled close as a family. In all the shaky times, our faith has become steadfast, immovable.

Our security is no longer found in the economy, in home ownership, or in a great job with great benefits. We’ve seen just how uncertain those can be.

But God, God is always Faithful. Though life may constantly change, in Him we have found a security that never fails.

In the midst of having to reevaluate what he wanted to do with his life, Mike looked into a particular career that had always interested him: law enforcement. He got hired with an agency that paid for him to go academy. Three weeks shy of graduation, he failed out (meaning he missed the passing score by one on one single test. He had done well at everything.) He lost that dream job.
We felt so crushed. 

A few years later, while looking into going back to school, I encouraged him to try for that dream job one more time. This time, we paid for the schooling. Mike worked full-time during the day and went to school at night and the weekends. It was hard (you may have heard me mention this… a lot). After failing out of one academy, this time around he managed to graduate at the top of his class, maintained perfect attendance, and was honored with a special award for integrity. 

In less than two weeks, after a grueling and uncertain hiring process, Mike will start his new job. And even better, it’s with the same agency he had the original job with when he failed out of academy. Can you say RESTORATION?!

5 years after the initial job loss that led Mike to rethink what he wanted to do with his life, 4 years after being hired in law enforcement, 3 years after failing out of academy, after 9 long months of schooling and working fulltime, after a 7 month hiring process that has included a whole lot of rejection… God has made a way for Mike to do what he believes he’s called to do.

And you know, looking back, I can honestly say God wasn’t sporadic. He didn’t stop blessing us when the economy went south and suddenly decide to start blessing us again. No. He has been with us, blessing us, every.single.step.in.this.journey. And I know He will continue to, no matter what the future holds.

God is so Good. So Faithful. And it isn’t today that we start living now that Mike has the job he wants. No, we’ve been living all along. And it has been hard, yes. But, oh, it has been so good too.

Okay. And now I get to shout out loud:

WHOO-HOO!!!

It’s time to celebrate God’s faithfulness, goodness, and grace… and welcome this new season into our lives.

It's time to celebrate the hard-working man who persevered, who put his family before his pride, who may have felt so beat up along the way, who pressed thru with excellence. I couldn't be prouder to be his wife, or more blessed. My husband is a champion. And a hero.


Okay, one more time, please:
WHOO-HOO!!!


By Grace,
Amanda