The Waiting Room: An Announcement and A Call to Live Fully (When You Feel Like You Are Waiting)


I have been struggling.


See, I love being a mom. It’s been a dream of mine dating back to dollies and tea parties. And more than a dream, I love those two children that came with the dream so much more than the fulfillment of the dream. I love their big personalities, their small hands, their mispronunciations (like how my daughter calls granola bars “tuna bars”) their “rub-it-in-and-keep-it-forever” slobber kisses, reading stories, mischievous grins, holding their eyes in my gaze and the way they are so happy to look back into my eyes, “Stacks on mom and dad!”… I love my kids!

But sometimes I live tired. Between the disciplining, the diaper changes, the spills in the carpet, the packing up 2 small children and the diaper bag and carrying it to the car, the housekeeping, the cooking, the grocery shopping, the relentless whiney questions, the ignored instructions, and the way I feel I will never be able to shower or pee by myself again… this woman feels like her life has come to a grinding halt. There might be dreams in my heart beyond being a parent, but with only 24 hours in a day and small children that take up most of those hours, it’s just simply not time to pursue those dreams.

I’m waiting.

Last month, I spent an hour in a waiting room at my son’s pediatrician’s office—an hour of feeling my calm resolve deplete as I pulled Addy off the magazine table, followed Jed around the waiting room, took Addy to the bathroom, worried over the germs my kids might be touching, tried to keep them both happy and occupied… When the nurse at long last called our name, the “Hallelujah” chorus rang through my mind. We survived the wait! Then, she took Jed’s temperature, checked his measurements, and placed us in a room to wait for the doctor for another 45 minutes—a room with a swivel chair, an expensive computer, zero toys, and no Disney movie. Our wait was not over; it may have even gotten worse. I still needed my already-depleted calm resolve as I continued to wait with 2 active, small kids.
 
In this life, at some point or another, you will feel like you are waiting.

And, let’s face it, you probably struggle with not liking the wait too.

There are all sorts of things that can make you feel like you are waiting: a desperate and seemingly hopeless search for Mr. Right, attending a schooling program so you can get a good job, a super slow do-they-really-want-to-fill-that-position?! hiring process, a frustrating home-buying experience, a month-to-month stare at a pee-stick wishing a plus sign would appear, a financial “drought,” an illness, recovery from an illness, a deep period of grief and loss, or “life just happening” unexpectedly. And that doesn’t include the little “waits,” you know, the waiting in long lines, waiting in doctor’s offices, waiting in dmv’s, waiting for test results, waiting for a reply… We do a whole lot of waiting in this life.

I look back to my life before kids and all that I was able to accomplish. I look at the titles I wore, the verbal appreciation, the way I worked hard and had something to show for it. As much as I love being a mom, I miss all that stuff. I feel unappreciated. I feel frustrated with the way that I clean while my kids make a different mess. The messes never stop. And I think I accomplish nothing. I have been struggling.

But I am also a relentless question asker (and I wonder where my daughter gets it from?!) I have been asking God how to live here and now. FULLY live here and now. How to not JUST survive. Because I have a feeling that even though I feel like I am waiting for my life to begin again, I am living life. I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to live it poorly. I don’t want to squander the years of my children’s small preciousness because I am discontent, because I feel like I am waiting. For my sake, their sake, for my husband’s sake, I need God’s help!

Fortunately, God’s been talking to me. I’ve been writing it down.

See, God wants to do BIG things in our lives and hearts when we are living in those seasons where we feel like we are waiting.

Waiting is so FULL of purpose.

I want to know what the purpose of NOW is. I want to fulfill my purpose, my “for such a time as this.” And I want to be content with it. Joy FULL when it feels like my dreams are paused because, really, I AM living right now, and I can be living FULL of Joy.

It feels a little crazy to be admitting all of this. But I know I am not the only one.

I hear the struggle when I talk to my friends that have young children. I hear the struggle when I talk to someone heading into a major surgery that means a long recovery. I hear the struggle when a woman has spent over a year trying to get pregnant and a lifetime wanting to bring life into this world. 

How do I trust God when I don’t see my dreams happening?

How? 

How!

We are going there for the entire month of September. God has been speaking to me, answering these questions and I feel compelled to share it with you. This is an ongoing conversation. I have not fully arrived, and while I would normally say one should not attempt to share from where they are still struggling, I just feel this stirring that I can’t shake. It’s too important for me, for you, to learn how to trust God here and now with everything. Who wants to squander the one life they have to live? Miss the purposes they were created for? I feel weighed down with a message that I have to share. And because I have not arrived, perhaps we can help each other get there??

If this pricks at you, even a little bit, consider coming back every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of September. I have seven nuggets to share with you, plus, I even have a guest post (my first ever guest post! From someone I think you will adore and whose words will encourage you!) I [most likely] will be putting all other posts on hold for the month of September. If you just like my recipes and projects or my gift counting pictures, don’t worry, they should resume after September.

Could I also challenge you to join me (US!—all the conquering housewives) on facebook? (<---a place I love to conversate.) I need you, we need you, and, perhaps, you need us. Let’s encourage each other together!

Let’s learn how to FULLY live!

Let’s ENJOY the waiting room we might feel we are in! (Maybe even change our perspective??)

Let’s get that “Insight and Encouragement for the Seasons of Waiting”

Looking forward to learning with you!

xo
Amanda



Might I humbly ask you to invite your friends if you feel so compelled? A facebook share? A tweet? Or maybe even grab a button?


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Linking Up Here:
Motivating Monday Link Up at CEO of Me

For when you feel defeated...


If I am to be brutally honest, I struggle with complacency.

Maybe we all do?

I think of snowglobes—the way you can stir them up and they are beautiful, but there’s something in them that wants to “settle down.” While it’s being shaken the glitter and the snow go all directions, and the minute you set that globe down, the glitter and the snow begin to fall, settle down, return to order. 

photo credit
 

Who wants to live all stirred up? 

Who wants to live in a snow storm?

Friends, I have been “stirred up.” Unforseeable little life storms, one after another. I feel shaken, raw. But in it, I realize just how settled down I was. Complacent. In my parenting, in my marriage, in my life. I was just okay, and just okay being just okay.

And now,

Now, it’s time to fight.

Fight for my marriage. Fight for my kids. Fight for myself.

Fight that stinking enemy that comes to kill, steal and destroy.

I think of the fight movies from the 80’s—the ones where the hero encounters a bully/bad guy of some kind, realizes he needs to learn to fight, and then cheesy fight music get’s cued while the hero goes into training. 

Someone needs to cue my cheesy fight music. I’ve got to learn to fight.

photo credit

And really, everything in this life of any real value, will have to be fought for. You want your marriage to last—you gotta fight for it. You want your kids to know God and how to live for Him—you gotta fight for it. You want to live your life for God—yep, you gotta fight for it. Maybe you don’t like what I am telling you. But remember that whole Armor of God thing from Sunday School (Ephesians 6 ring a bell?)?? Yeah, that’s in the Bible for a reason. ;)

When you feel defeated. When you feel like things are falling apart. When life feels out of control.
It’s time to fight.

Don't be complacent. Put on your metaphorical 80's sweat band and your big girl panties too and Fight!

Alright, so here is me getting my Mr. Miyagi on and giving you a list of ways to fight.

  1. Know who/what you are fighting. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in heavenly places” ((Ephesians 6:12) Don’t fight your kids when they are rotten… fight FOR them. Fight the enemy that wants them. Don’t fight your husband when he makes a butthead move… fight FOR him. Don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Realize you are battling your humanity and the enemy that wants you. (This isn’t me saying, however, to excuse bad behavior; “The Devil made me do it.”)
  2. Cry Out.If you read the Old Testament of the Bible, you will find a whole lot of the phrase “cry out.” And immediately following that phrase you will find God showing up. I don’t know why it works, but I do know that God hears our cries. And when we match our desperation for Him with the loudness of our cry, He shows up. This past weekend I fought for peace and my son as I drove to the hospital after my son managed to locate and open a bottle of Nyquil. I cried out. God showed up. And while my son hadn't drank enough to be a problem, I also didn't lose my peace waiting to find out. I fought for both out loud: "God I need you right now!"
  3. Bible. Pray. Repeat. Yep. I hate to give a simple pat answer, but this is the “wax on, wax off” move of spiritual warfare. Try reading in Ephesians if you don’t know where to start. If you don’t know how to pray—try this: Find a quiet spot (or put on some music if you have some mind-wandering tendencies). Have a pen and paper handy for any random thoughts that may pop up in your head (like grocery list item, appointment, need-to-do). Talk to God. No really. All that’s in your heart. Give Him a chance to speak. Be quiet. Try journaling too. 
  4. Do what you least feel like doing. 
  • When life gets hard, do you tend to hide? Crawl out from under that rock, and ask for help. Find some friends and hang out with them. Even consider being vulnerable (just make sure you’ve chosen the right friends for this). 
  • When life gets hard to you tend to run? Sit still, quiet yourself, pray. It may take a while for you to “chill out” but sit quiet until you do. Don’t go anywhere until you’ve heard from God. 
  • When life gets hard do you tend to pick fights? Realize you are not fighting anyone (see point 1). Don't talk. Be quiet. Grab the people who you are the most angry with and pray with them, for them, ask them to pray for you.

Fighting isn't all that fun. But you know what is awesome in it? When you realize you aren't supposed to actually fight your husband, but fight the enemy with him; when you realize you aren't supposed to actually fight your kids, but fight the enemy with them; when you realize you aren't supposed to actually beat yourself up, but fight the enemy that is plaguing you, trying to tell you how much you suck at life... when you grab the hands of the one's you love most, even in the midst of the greatest snow storm... love huddles you close. Inseparable bonds are formed in storms. Love conquers all.

And these three things prevail: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.

Have any ways to fight to add to the list?

I may have time to share a favorite recipe later today. We shall see.

But I shall see you all tomorrow for my big announcement :) 

xo
Amanda

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I'm Not Sorry


There’s a phrase I find myself saying far too much: “I’m sorry.”

Now this is a very handy phrase if you think about it. When you do something wrong or on accident, there it is, remorse and sympathy all rolled into one phrase: “I’m sorry.”

I find myself saying it when I do stuff right though.

“I’m sorry the house is such a mess” (when it’s a mess because I chose to take the kids to the park instead of cleaning so they could get the fresh air they needed).

“I’m so sorry; I just can’t do that right now” (when I have to say no to a service opportunity that will take up time that needs to be spent with my family… the family who has a dad who is rarely home, a mom who is really tired and 2 kids who are really young and active).

“I’m sorry I’m late” (when I am running late because I have 2 kids to corral. And while I definitely need to work on starting to get out the door earlier, I cannot help all the unseen dilemmas that might plague my departure—lost keys, temper tantrums, or diaper disasters).

Truth be told, those sorries are just me living under the weight of expectations. Simply put: I just really want people to like me. I don’t want them to think I am an unhelpful and unpunctual slob. 

The crazy part of this is that I am fairly certain [most] people don’t notice such things or place expectations on me. So why do I always feel compelled to say sorry?? Could it be that I have my own set of expectations for myself? Could it be that there is a struggle inside of me—of fear? I am afraid I am not enough.

When I enter my messy abode, see the dishes, turn down someone’s request for help in the nursery at church, walk by the laundry pile that’s been there for 3 days, walk in late to a room full of people who managed to make it on time, I feel the weight—that “you aren’t good enough and you’ll never get it right.”


But, I need to not live under that weight. I need to not be sorry. Not because sorry isn’t a good thing. Sometimes it is a really good thing. But this girl needs to give herself permission to live free from my own expectations--permission to not "have it all together." I need to not think so little of myself—I am not an unhelpful, unpunctual slob.

I need to be free to choose the better thing—the thing that builds up those most precious to me rather than please the ones whose opinions might judge me. Everyone has only 24 hours each day—24 hours to devote to whatever one chooses. My 2 littles need a whole lot of those hours. They are little. They will only be little once. 
 
Someone once told me, “your no is just as spiritual as your yes… and sometimes even morespiritual.” No can be freeing. No lives outside of people’s opinions and expectations. No says you know what you are supposed to do and what you are not supposed to do. (And, of course, like many things there are the instances that one can overuse No, but I think you get the point.)

Sometimes one needs to say No to cleaning the house… and yes to playing with the kids.

Sometimes one needs to say No to service opportunities… and yes to family time.

Sometimes one needs to say No to rushing out the door in a mad frenzy… and yes to peace.

And sometimes one needs to not apologize for any of it. (Okay, so I am not actually advocating rudeness. Say "I'm sorry" if appropriate. Just don't apologize to yourself for keeping the best things first. No need to shout "No! And I'm not sorry about it either!" at the poor nursery volunteer. I wish there was a phrase in the English language that conveyed sympathy and love, while at the same time also indicating personal freedom from expectations.)

Amanda, you are doing an awesome job. You love on your kids. You keep the most important things first. In Him, You are enough. He will be your Strength if you cry out for help. You were chosen for Addy and Jed. You were chosen for Michael, and every day since 2005 Michael chooses you. You are enough! There will be dishes, there will be messes, you will get to them. Step out from under the weight of your own dang expectations, Amanda. Love your kids and your husband. And know, YOU ARE ENOUGH! {So stop apologizing like you aren’t enough}

This is my pep talk to myself. I thought perhaps someone else could benefit from it too.

Xo

Amanda

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Thankful Thursday #17

Good Morning!

#217 Little brothers, big sisters, and swings

#218 Sap-sicles

#218 Boys who love the bath so much they want to stick everything they can find in it (like toilet paper rolls)

#219 Space to breathe and a good book to read. (Anything by Jennie Allen. One chapter in and I am loving it so far.)

#220 Glimpses of His splendor. (Addy: "Is that where Jesus lives, Mom??")

Wishing you all fabulous weekends!

xo
Amanda

Rainbow Birthday Party [Plus, Some Printables]

Good Morning!

I don't have much time to write, but I did want to quickly share Addy's 4th Birthday Party with you. I was hoping to have some pictures from the actual party, but I didn't take a single one. On a more positive note, one of my best friends was in attendance with her camera and took pictures for me. She is super awesome with the camera and with edits... but she is also a mom and a teacher and just started her school year. She's allowed to be slow at getting the pictures to me...especially since she's not charging :)

Anyways.

About that Rainbow party...

I have a small budget, like small as in just slightly above nothing, so I got creative, made just about everything, and did not go overboard. (Anyone else feel a little overwhelmed by looking at Pinterest for party ideas? Great ideas... but seriously, the thought of all the time and money it takes to get a party to look like that... Overwhelming) So I guess this is the busy/frugal moms non-pinnable rainbow party. And I am REALLY okay with that! Ha!

Tissue Paper Poms- My sister helped me make these. Super easy, super cheap, and super big presence in a space. (We picked up 2 multi-color tissue paper value packs at the local dollar store. $2!) 

Rainbow cake- I found rainbow twizzlers at the store and knew I would do something with them. I had big ideas for somehow making them arch like a rainbow over the cake. My sister looked at me and was like "Dude, Amanda, just cut them and put them around the cake." She's really smart. That's exactly what I did. I used rainbow cake mix from a box for the cake and added a homemade raspberry filling to the center plus a white-chocolate cream cheese frosting. Delicious!!

Birthday Banner- I cut triangles (6"x7") out of scrapbook paper and then made up some circle letter cut-outs on the computer. Joy of Joys! I figured out how to share them too should you want to make your own birthday banner. (They'll be at the bottom of this post)

My Cheapest/Best Decorating Idea: I had gotten Addy watercolors a few weeks prior to the party. She wanted to paint everyday. And the pictures were super colorful. (And so fun to see her imagination at work!) So I used them as decorations. Rainbow colors? Check. Free? Check. Grandparents get to "ooh" and "aah" over grandkid? Check.

I hung up by banner and the pictures by stringing some ribbon and attaching the pictures and the pendants with miniature clothespins. Super easy set-up and clean-up and very re-useable. (Mini clothespins were in craft section at my local Walmart)

Favor Bags- I used regular sandwich bags that attached a printable I made (that I am sharing with you too). "Thanks for Bringing the Sunshine to my Party" <---cute, right?? The super nerdy former teacher in me added a cheesy weather/rainbow joke to each of the bags. I put the answer to the joke on the bottom of the bag.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear??.............. Thunderwear!!!      Hardy-har-har-har :)

Hey, and thanks for bringing the sunshine to this blog each week!

xo
Amanda


Printables:
Just click link to bring up Google Document that you can print from.


Rainbow Party Birthday Banner

Rainbow Party Favor Bag

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An Announcement and a Call to Fight Your Frump (along with me)

When I got pregnant with Addy, I got a terrible bout with morningall day sickness. It took so much energy to just do anything and I felt so horrible that I stopped wearing make-up and started wearing things like sweat pants… in public. And though I am well-recovered from pregnancy (Ha!), I only wear make-up once a week, I only really dress up once a week, and only all of that if I happen to be on stage at church on Sunday. (I used to do all that something like 5 days a week prior to raising children).

We haven’t had much money for new clothes in years, I scrap what I can. I am not a huge fan of much of my clothes.

I rarely go anywhere anymore. I get up and spend time with Jesus and then writing so my getting ready routine is rushed and happens with kids at my feet.

I got really into running and then let it fall off the map in the winter when it was just too cold to want to be outside before the sun. I haven’t really exercised since.

You all hearing the list of excuses?

The other day I had a meltdown, one of those “I am failing at life and I think I am ugly” meltdowns. It wasn’t pretty. Something clicked in me though.

I keep coming across things like Sarah Mae’s Frumps to Pumps, and I think to myself, Yeah, I probably need to work on that. But not right now. I'm too busy. I will work on that later.

Meltdown had. It’s time.

It’s time to Fight My Frump. 



It’s time to not hide behind excuses. It’s time to make myself more of a priority. It’s time to get in the habit of doing the little bit it takes to feel good about oneself.

{I wrote a post that happens to be a favorite of mine a year ago all about the importance of feeling sexy. Yeah, I need to feel sexy.}

I mentioned this on Facebook to find that it seemed to really resonate with some people. And, I thought maybe I'm not the only one? why do it alone? Wouldn’t it be awesome to have some girl-friend accountability? Some cheerleaders?

My pastor’s wife believes it takes 21 days to make anything a habit.

So, for the remainder of the month of August, I am going to work on making getting ready—feeling beautiful!—and exercise a priority. My personal challenge: Put on make-up, do something to my hair (anything), and wear clothes that I like at least 4 days a week. Also, exercise 3 days a week (20-40 minutes of raising the heart rate).

Here’s what I envision:

I am setting up a closed facebook group (closed means everything that happens in the group stays in the group. It’ll never show up on your timeline/wall or in anyone’s newsfeed. No one other than group members can see what you post. I may change the group’s setting to private after the start date so no one can even see who is in the group. I’d start it like this, but then you'd have trouble finding the group and joining it.) I am calling the group “Fight Your Frump.”

See here’s the real vision: How cool would it be to be in a short term group (i.e. just a little commitment for the busy woman) that would have a small number of other women from all different parts of the country? How cool would it be to have a place where you could be real, ask for encouragement and prayer? How cool would it be to have a place where your experience and encouragement is needed too (bring out that inner cheerleader!)?

See, I don’t want this to be the Amanda Show (I think there used to be one of those on Nickelodeon ages ago, ha!) where it’s all about me and what I am doing and sharing. Oh most Holy girl! I am used of the Lord to write things that are holy!... Yeah… NO! I just happen to love to write. And God just happens to keep giving me things to write. And I have this opportunity because I am connecting with you to create a space where YOU can offer up your gifts to encourage other women too. This conquering housewife needs your encouragement just as much as you may need hers. I think we all need each other.

There are only 2 rules that are set in stone:

  1. What happens on the group page, stays on the group page.
  2.  No bashing or discouraging.
I will remove you from the group in 2 seconds flat should either of these things happen.

I do have some other rules, but they aren’t set in stone. They are just things that I think will keep the group moving forward in a good direction… Like guidelines. (So if you have a busy week and are unable to get to the group’s page, hey, we still love ya and we’ll catch ya next week.)
  1. Commit to posting a 2 sentence intro and your goals for the 3 weeks. (We want to know you and how to encourage you!) 
  2. Commit to posting your progress 2 times a week.
  3. Commit to commenting on 2 posts from other people every time you visit. (like 2-3 x’s a week)
  4. Consider our group as you read your Bible, come across things in life and the internet and consider sharing them with us if it would make us laugh or encourage us or challenge us to encourage you.
  5. I may ask some questions every now and again. Do chime in. Also, if you have an engaging question, do offer it up!
I hope that doesn’t sound like a lot of work. My thought is that this group would maybe require 5 minutes at a time a couple times a week. Doable, right?!

So… Want to be apart??

All you have to do is like the Conquering Housewife on Facebookand then use this link to our group’s page. Click the join button and upon my approval you will be added.

We will officially start MONDAY, August 13, 2012, and run through FRIDAY, August 31, 2012. (I know not a full 21 days, but it’s 3 full school/work weeks and I don’t want to take away from anyone’s Labor Day weekend… though the group will still be up should you still want to use it. I will probably have some nice closing thoughts on TUESDAY, September 4, 2012, to wrap up everything but the challenge itself will be over)

Too busy to make the commitment right now? Let me know! And maybe I can do this again another time during the year? Or maybe YOU could facilitate a group?

This group is kind of my guinea pig group to see how this goes. It may end up being just me and my mom (shout out to my supportive momma!) or maybe it’ll be big enough I will be splitting the group and asking one of YOU to facilitate one. This will be a learning process. Please be gracious and willing to provide honestfeedback. I’d sure appreciate it!So excited to see what happens with this!

Seriously looking forward to getting to know some of you better! (and feeling less frumpy too)

Amanda

 
P.S. Have questions? Feedback? Don't understand how Facebook groups work? Send me a private message through my facebook page or send me an email: conqueringhousewife(at)the-cadence(dot)com

P.P.S. Fellow blogger, like this idea as much as I do? Prayerfully use it! No need to link back to me or anything. But I would love to hear that this idea is resonating with other people. Would you tell me if you use the idea? Maybe even share how it goes? This idea has been on my heart and I took it as confirmation that it was time when I noticed Lisa-Jo doing something similar at (In)courage. It’s an awesome thing that we bloggers get to do?! Right?! 

Thankful Thursday #16

Hello friends!

I am super tired this morning, but my sails feel full of wind. Little-Big God ideas and the ability to move forward in them. An announcement should be forthcoming this afternoon (unless I get to nap... because I will be swooping on that opportunity should it arrive!) or tomorrow morning.

Another announcement should follow sometime in the next week to reveal the series I have been working on. It's almost done. It'll run through the month of September.

Woot Woot! I can't wait :))

My gifts this week in pictures:

#201 Well-used watercolor trays

#202 The way creation points to the Creator

 #203 Boys and Dogs (and oh how I love that boy and that dog too)

#204 Making shadow shapes on the ground and making my sister take pictures of them... just because it's fun and I can.

 #205 Pink polka dot rain boots in the dirt

#206 Boys in shortalls that are too big and that are almost fully unsnapped at the bottom.

#207 For driving in pink sunsets, daughters that beg you to roll down the window, and the feeling of wind through your fingers... and the way it can be worship too.

#208 Sunsets in rearview mirrors.

#209 Sisters that bring you fresh produce... and dads that grow it

#210 The way even something like a spiderweb can be beautiful in the light of the sun.

Friends, have I ever said how much joy I get in the act of slowing down long enough to grab my camera, angle the picture, and just try to hold beauty within the grasp of a lens? Surely I am not a "good" photographer, and I really couldn't care less. (And I am am pretty sure there is a permanent smudge courtesy of Jed on the lens of my relatively inexpensive camera.) This simple thing--taking a picture--it fills me with joy. And there is nothing quite like consciously choosing to look silly by pulling over on the side of the road to snap a picture... it's freeing, especially from the cares of "what people will think?" Do you have something that fills you with joy... something that is easily and surprisingly an act of worship???

The verse that has been speaking to me this week: "In this world there will be struggles. But TAKE HEART! For I have overcome the world." John 16:33. Care to share what's been speaking to you??

Grace and Peace.
Amanda


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