Thankful Thursday #15

Happy Thursday friends!

#186 For Multi-grain Cheerios, iced coffee, a thick leather bound Bible, and a quiet spot on the balcony--just Jesus and me. For 3 great starts to my morning in a row!

 #187 Shopping cart belts that my 4 year old can't figure out how to unlatch.

 #188 Time spent with just me and my boy... and his gruff-voiced, baby-babble conversation filling my car.

#189 Peeking in on my daughter and son laughing together. Sure, the room is full of mess and toys, but the room is also full of laughter, joy and love. This is a good gift. :) Also, for 4-year-old jokes and 1-year-olds that find them funny.

#190 For the busy explorer and the very particular time in one's life when a missing shoe does not slow down the journey.

 #191 Sitting on the dock with my Handsome talking about the future, remembering God's blessings in the past, and savoring life in the present.

 #192 For cucumbers from one of my husband's customers and homemade tzatziki sauce. (perhaps I have found a new motto for my life: when life give's you cucumbers, make tzatziki. Works for me. I majorly heart that stuff! Perhaps I will share how to make it soon along with some other Mediterranean favorites?)

 #193 Chasing the moon

 #194 Outdoor art gallery... for free.

Might I humbly ask for your prayers as my husband's schooling winds down and the hiring processes pick up? We could land anywhere really, and all we want is to land smack dab in the middle of God's Will.

Also, maybe this is super selfish, but I think of this as a community to which I belong and you are equally welcome and able to ask for my prayers and the prayers of others here, but would you pray for the Big, Huge, God-sized ideas I have for my writing, this blog, and this community? I want to be led by God. And walk in His timing. And not be afraid. I gots major things brewing in this head of mine, and I want to follow after God's will not mine. (Did all that make sense? Boil it down to this: "God, help Amanda not be self-centered. Keep her centered on You. Confirm Your plans for this piece of blogosphere to her and use it as YOU will" <---or something like that in your own words, of course [wink])

Got a prayer request I (or we) can lift up to God with you? Leave it in the comments, on the facebook page, or send it here: {conqueringhousewife at the-cadence dot com}  (and, you know, for the email address use actual symbols where appropriate and no spaces... just trying to avoid those dang spammer bots that occasionally plague my pages and inbox)

Love to you all!!
Amanda


By the way: I allow happily allow anonymous comments but occasionally Blogger marks them as spam... especially if you include a link in the comment. But even if your anonymous post doesn't show up here, do know it still shows up in my inbox. :)

Also, by the way: I usually respond to comments (though I can be slow--grace appreciated), but if you are a "no reply" blogger, do realize that I can't respond to you. It's entirely up to you, but if you would like to keep the conversation going, want a question answered, or just would like to receive a friendly "Thanks for your thoughts" here's how you change your settings so that you can get a response from this girl. :)

To my Addy-Pie

Photo Credit: My awesomely-talented, photographer-friend Katie. Look her up if you are in Northern California.

The way you came into my world was much the way it's been your whole life.

I wasn't ready.

It was a Sunday at 1:40 am. I had just gotten up to use the bathroom for the 3rd time that night (Oh! 3rd trimester bladder how I do NOT miss thee!). I sat down into bed to the breaking of waters and wet sheets. No, this can't be... No. Maybe? It has to be. Right? Oh. No. I am not ready.


I had my last day of children's church before maternity leave in a few hours and only my notes to myself scribbled down... who would be able to lead it?

I had myself so psyched out that you would be later than my due date and that water's only broke before labor started in the movies. It didn't even occur to me that you could come 3 weeks before your due date without an inkling of warning. I didn't have a single item packed. I didn't even know what to pack.

I dammed up the stream of tears and fear as I woke Mike. "It's time."

"How do you know it's time?" He mumbled as he rolled over.

The dam broke and I wailed. "My... water... broke..."

Mike shot up. He looked at me as though he's a private and I was his drill sergeant. "What do I need to do? Tell me what to do." He's ready for my orders.

"I don't know. I am just not ready." More sobs.

I woke my mom up. I am panicked. She is speaking to me slowly and calmly. "You need to pack your bag, Amanda. What do you need to bring?"

"I don't know." Tears. I am already failing at motherhood.

"Okay. Well, where's the paper that tells you what to bring?" My mom resolved to bring calm to the situation.

"I don't know." And then in exasperation. "I'm just not ready!"

The house became a frenzy. My sister was laughing at my lack of preparation. My youngest brother and my dad were wide-eyed staring at me in awe of the wonder of life that was about to take place in the big sister/eldest daughter. I was walking back and forth between the kitchen, the bathroom, and my room in a blur, just trying to hold a clear thought of what I needed to bring and who could lead children's church and how badly would this hurt.

19 hours later you entered the world.

In the midst of my fears and lack of preparation,
in the midst of wanting to fight against the contractions that told me this was in fact happening, my life was in fact changing,
after laboring and struggling and the crying out, "I cannot do this!"

You came.

You wrenched open my heart the moment you wrenched forth your way into this world, and you've never let it close.

The way, with each milestone, it seems it always takes me by surprise and I never feel ready for it, yet one day you got it in your head to crawl, to walk, to be weaned, and now to brush your teeth and hair by yourself.
The way you tell a perfect stranger, "That is such a pretty shirt" or "Christmas is for Jesus" when I want to be closed and intraverted and even a little judgmental.
The way you beg for the car windows to be rolled down and the exclamation made "Hoo Hoo! It's a Hang Day!" with arms stretched out into wind, no matter the rush or bad mood I am in. 
The way you crawl up in my lap and demand my attention and affection, when perhaps it is in my nature to be a little less affectionate, to be a little more closed.

I can't not love you.
I can live so closed fist, so afraid; but you brave girl, pry my hands open.

You gave me the gift of life and love and joy and you keep giving it.

You have forever changed me, Daughter, and you keep changing me. I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming. I may be un-prepared, I may be a procrastinator in all things relating to change, but, oh, how God gave me the most precious gift in you.

I love you. To the moon and back. With all my heart. No matter what.

Happy 4th Birthday Addy!

Love, Momma

Thankful Thursday #14

Howdy friends!


#168 For little boys who want to be around their mother so much that they stick their head into her shower (as well as their toys and a random shoe...)

 #169 For skies that grab you out of whatever you are doing and make you say, "Wow, God!"

#170 For a little girl that wants to help her momma so she puts the curtains in the tie backs. I can't help by smile at this. Also the little feet that put all those foot prints on my wall.

 #171 For quick little boys that turn meals into messes in 5 seconds flat when mom isn't looking. Also, bath times that follow those messes.

#172 Those moments when my independent, busy little boy leans into my embrace... even with a wet head on my dry shirt, and it couldn't bother me less. These moments make me rich!

#173 For help. 

 #174 The way something like a mermaid horse on a carousel makes her the happiest girl in the world.

Happy Thursday to you!
"For of His fullness we have all received and grace upon grace" John 1:16

xo
Amanda

Thankful Thursday #13

#162 A change in routine and a day spent with my momma

#163 The little boy who loves dogs... and tries to bark at them.

#164 The little foot that needs to be kicked up on me in order for a certain little boy to sleep.

#165 This sight upon arriving home. Man is in my abode.

#166 Discovering a trail that starts close to my house, goes by a cemetery and ends up going around a tree-lined lake.

#167 For almost-4-year-olds that start celebrating their birthday weeks before the day, and the little girl who handled leaving the store store empty-handed because momma just wanted to see what she wanted very well.

Wishing you eyes to see all you have to be grateful for.
xo
Amanda

Fish and Mango Salsa Tacos

I love cooking in the summer.

Grills.

Outdoors. 

Fresh fruits and vegetables imported from... well, my daddy's garden or a local farm.

Light and fresh just taste right in the summer.

I thought I would share one of my all time favorite recipes that tastes just like summer to me. I cook this probably 2-3 times a month during the summer. I love it. My husband loves it. Addy, well, she tolerates it if I just give her some fish and sour cream rolled up in a tortilla with mango slices on the side. (According to Addy's taste buds anyways, sour cream makes everything better.  That girl would eat the stuff straight out of the carton if I would let her.)

I got this recipe from an issue of Taste of Home (I tore the recipe out a long time ago and added it to my recipe binder, so I really don't know the issue). I still use the recipe just as it appears, except that I don't measure anything out, and this girl never has been able to afford halibut. Mahi Mahi is my preferred fish for this recipe, but any mild, white, flaky fish will do. I used Alaskan flounder when these pictures were taken. (I have also tried it with chicken breast... and it's also delicious.)

The recipe is here. 
Woot Woot! Taste of Home has the recipe on their website! They did all the work of writing out the recipe. And we both get to benefit! I did include some helpful tips... so do keep scrolling.

I love this recipe. It is super easy to make... and fast. I love to make my salsa earlier in the day, so that come dinnertime all I have to do is throw the fish on the grill and warm some tortillas. Dinner in 10 minutes? Heck-to-the-yes!
By the way, did you know that when you chop cilantro, it's okay to have some stem in there? No need to tear leaves off, just rinse a couple sprigs, and chop till you get to the where there are no more leaves, and discard the ends. Easy!

Mangoes are pretty difficult to cut. So I included a picture tutorial of how to cut a mango. I have no idea if this is the "proper" way, but it is fast, easy, not very messy, and gets your mango into perfect cubes every time.

Peppers are also difficult to cut, if you want to avoid getting those pesky seeds in with your diced pepper. Here's how I cut a pepper and keep from having to pick out any seeds.

A note: Yes, you need Thai sweet chili sauce. NEED. After I discovered the stuff, it started getting added to lots of things (meat marinades, salad dressings, sauces, stir fry's...) It is GOOD. It should be located in the Asian section of your grocery store.

This taco a thing of beauty. Seriously delicious. Light and refreshing. Tastes like summer to me.

In case you don't feel up to finding the recipe link towards the top of the page, here it is again. ;)

Hope your Monday is Made!
xo
Amanda

Thankful Thursday #12

Happy Thursday friends!

#145 The little boy who simultaneously put on his birthday hat... and took off his shorts and diaper... and then got busy with his toys. (I edited the bare bottom out of this picture.) (Birthday hat in his birthday suit. Ha!)

#146 For my Granny's scarf and opal earrings. On days when I just miss her, I can still see a bit of her in me.

#147 Watching my husband return to his 11 year old self--stripping off the job, financial stresses, massive amounts of schoolwork, and worries of where and when he will get hired--immediately upon entering the pool with his little brother.

#148 Double Dessert. (Especially when the dessert you made didn't turn out quite like you hoped it would. ) And for mother-in-laws that still gush over your dessert and ask for the recipe even when you know it doesn't taste that good.

#149 Head stands and diapers that pay homage to Australia.

 #150 Blue tape.

• It reminds me of my quirky writing teacher from high school who always had some issue with her glasses. (Also the realization that I AM a quirky writer)
• It is a good amount of incentive to get to the repair shop after 2 years of them sitting broken in my cabinet. (I lost my pair that I have had for 6 years... which are just about too scratched to even see out of. ITS TIME AMANDA!!!) 
• It keeps my glasses on my face.

#151 Front yards, friends, and sparklers

#152 Daddy home days and starting our day together.

#153 Watching Addy hungry to learn and ready to learn to write. She asked me to show her how. Her very first letters written all by herself!!! Proud moment :))

#154 Preschool Swim lessons with silly Preschool songs

Wishing you eyes to see His Grace in it all!
xo
Amanda

For Those Hurt by the Church

 “For we know in part and we prophecy in part… For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will fully know fully just as I also have been fully known.” I Corinthians 13:9,12

When I was 17, I began a relationship with the youth pastor. Jake was 21 and brand spanking new at leading a youth ministry. I was young, I knew that there was a “call” on my life to leadership and ministry, and, if I am perfectly honest, I was completely mesmerized by the idea that a youth pastor was interested in me.

To condense a two-year story into a couple lines, we dated for a few months, I broke it off, we started dating again 6 months later, Jake proposed in front of the entire church, we were engaged for 9 rocky months, and then I broke it off for good.

It’s 10 years later and I still remember sitting in the living room of my older and wiser friend, Carla. Jake was out of town, Carla's husband was out of town, so naturally we had a sleep over. Donned in pajamas and feet up on her couch, I found myself pouring out the difficultly of my relationship with Jake. I asked her if before she got married she ever found her husband unattractive or if they fought a lot. She looked at me with wide-eyes. “Oh, Amanda, David and I may fight occasionally now that we have been married for 4 years, but, when we were dating, I wanted to be with him every second, found him good-looking, sexy.” She paused, her voice lowering as she felt the weight of the words about to come out of her mouth. “Amanda, that’s not what it’s supposed to be like.” Carla’s bold words gave me freedom. I saw it. My young mind may have believed Jake to be “God’s Will” for my life, but her words caused me to look back and see all the times that God had gently been trying to lead me out of that relationship. Jake was not what God had for me.

I took the matter to prayer and a week later broke off the engagement. It was not a pretty break up. Jake was the youth pastor. I was a youth leader. I hurt him. He hurt me. It was ugly. 

I am not quite sure how to put the pain I experienced during that break up into words. Jake abused his position. He abused the pulpit. He flashed around his victim card automatically making me the bad guy. I started seeing Jake when I first started going to the church. I had only ever been his girlfriend or fiancé, and now I walked around with a scarlet H for “oh most wretched Heart-breaker of the Holy man.” Without rehashing the gory details, bottom line: a youth pastor, ex-fiance or not, should not have been able to behave the way that he did, moping and moaning about the girl who broke his heart to anyone who would had ears… even once using the pulpit to air his pain. I was still on his staff and I still went to his church.  

Disclaimer: It’s not like I was completely innocent or anything, there were a couple times when I took out all the ugly in me (and him) and strung it up on the clothes line to dry in a way that only a bitter and hot-tempered woman could… in some very inopportune moments (like in front of interns or right before a youth service). And that isn’t mentioning my once flirtacious nature that no doubt tormented Jake’s broken heart. 

It was not a smooth break up. At. All. And while it may be difficult for me to paint a fair portrait of the entire ordeal, we were both in need of Grace. And it does not matter who needed the most Grace; it didn’t then, and it doesn’t now. Ugly is ugly, and God’s Grace is sufficient for it all.

I wanted to leave the church. I wanted to go where no one knew my name. I wanted to go where the youth pastor hadn’t colored the picture of me, where my side of the story could be heard, where I wasn’t the black widow, she-woman man-eater that wooed men in with her good looks and witty humor only to stab them in the heart and leave them bleeding. I wanted a clean slate, a fresh start.

God asked me to stay.

It was one of the hardest, most uncomfortable, and most awkward times of my life. It took years to get over the pain that Jake caused me in the months that followed our break-up. It took years to get over the hurt that the church caused me through all of this. BUT…

BUT.

God is Just, and God redeems. In staying, I got to see the God of Justice redeem my name. I got to see Truth win out. In being the despised one, I challenged my pastor, Jake, and the rest of the church to learn how to love me, and, even better, I learned how to love me. I met and fell in love with my husband at my church. And it’s not just the meeting him that I got out of being obedient to God’s call to stay; God used the entirety of this ugly situation to keep Michael and me hidden from each other until the exact perfect moment. Mike thought I was, well, evil for breaking his youth pastor’s heart. I, well, didn’t think of him at all. Three years after the break up God gave us both a fresh set of eyes. We got to have a grand romance—in sweeping whirlwind fashion—that I wouldn’t even consider trading for a smooth and rosy-colored church history. God transformed me so completely, that when I walked down that aisle to promise my life to Michael, the woman who broke Jake’s heart was not present. 

 “And every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit”

God pruned me with the shears of humility. He used the sharpness of someone I had hurt to cut out the pride in me. It hurt. It was not some quick process. It took years.

God used all that pain and injustice for good.

I keep hearing on the internet and in life of people who are giving up on the church. I hear people talk of needing fresh starts. I hear people talk of wanting a different church because the one they are at doesn’t “feed” them or they’ve been hurt by it. I have heard stories of injustices wrought by the church. I hear of abuses caused at the hand of those in authority. It’s terrible. Surely the church shouldn’t inflict pain. And I don’t have all the answers. But I know that God is able to use it all for good. ALL. I am not pretending to know what God would have you to do, but I will submit this: God uses the church. God’s Grace floods the most painful places in our lives. God is able to redeem. Restore. His Grace can cover it all.

Yes, church is messy. But we were made for each other. We need each other. We need each other’s brokenness too. Perhaps it is that God uses the broken edges of people’s lives to prune away the pride in our own. We need to work out our faith, our hope, and our love (especially love) in the midst of people who are occasionally rotten and rotten to us. We can only see in part this side of eternity, each one of us a part, and a part of the body of Christ. Some parts crying out, “Grace!” Some crying out, “Righteousness!” Some crying out, “Justice!” All of us crying out for the day when our hearts can truly be home, all needing the other parts to get as close as we can to the whole, seeing as best as we can through the mist. We were made for each other.

Will you give Him the messy circumstances? The pain that has been unjustly brought to you? Will you allow God to work it all together for good? Or will you allow the devastating places in your life and the rotten people to rob you of the good that God is able to bring you? Will you allow it to harden your heart so that you are unable to receive, unable to see, unable to hear? It may take years. It most likely will hurt. But, oh, dear friends, He loves YOU. He is Gentle. And He is Able.


By Grace, 

Amanda Conquers

All names have been changed.